the girl with a leaf in her pocket
четверг, 24 сентября 2015
So it's been over a month
A very intense month
Possibly longer
I'm terrible at keeping track
But none of this matters really
Because it felt right from the very beginning
He's my little secret and I'm falling in love with him
He's my perfect man on so many levels
He's a professional craft brewer
On a our first date, that wasn't really a date
He went to the bar, came back with two glasses of beer
Gave me one and said: "I made this beer earlier today"
I could have married him right there on the spot when he said it
On our second date, that was a date
We went to a beer festival
He got us in for free and we did not pay for a single beer
He knew everybody there
We'd come up to any brewery stalls and they would go:
Hi Matt, how are you Matt, try this Matt, see what you think of that Matt
And we were given beers non stop all night
Amazing beers too
And somewhere in between all the beers while we were outside
In this industrial unit where the beer fest was held
I rested my head on his arm
And stroked him and he kissed me
And then again and again over the course of the night
And when he asked me what I wanted to do next
I said he could take me home and do whatever he wants to me
It was obvious how much we liked each other
And he was really cheeky and said:
"That's obviously going to happen, but what else shall we do?"
It did happen
On our third date, in his bed late at night he told me
He deleted tinder because he really like me and he didn't want to mess this up
So I went back home and deleted tinder too
We knew each other of course, from when he used to work in brewdog
But we've never spoken
In between there's been all sorts
Loads of amazing beers, cuddles, cats, enormous ammount of affection
Live rugby matches and I met his parents on Sunday
It seems too early
But they were really lovely
His amazing flat in the centre of town and the fact that he knows everybody
Wherever we go
I'm falling in love with him
There is nothing i can or want to do about it
A very intense month
Possibly longer
I'm terrible at keeping track
But none of this matters really
Because it felt right from the very beginning
He's my little secret and I'm falling in love with him
He's my perfect man on so many levels
He's a professional craft brewer
On a our first date, that wasn't really a date
He went to the bar, came back with two glasses of beer
Gave me one and said: "I made this beer earlier today"
I could have married him right there on the spot when he said it
On our second date, that was a date
We went to a beer festival
He got us in for free and we did not pay for a single beer
He knew everybody there
We'd come up to any brewery stalls and they would go:
Hi Matt, how are you Matt, try this Matt, see what you think of that Matt
And we were given beers non stop all night
Amazing beers too
And somewhere in between all the beers while we were outside
In this industrial unit where the beer fest was held
I rested my head on his arm
And stroked him and he kissed me
And then again and again over the course of the night
And when he asked me what I wanted to do next
I said he could take me home and do whatever he wants to me
It was obvious how much we liked each other
And he was really cheeky and said:
"That's obviously going to happen, but what else shall we do?"
It did happen
On our third date, in his bed late at night he told me
He deleted tinder because he really like me and he didn't want to mess this up
So I went back home and deleted tinder too
We knew each other of course, from when he used to work in brewdog
But we've never spoken
In between there's been all sorts
Loads of amazing beers, cuddles, cats, enormous ammount of affection
Live rugby matches and I met his parents on Sunday
It seems too early
But they were really lovely
His amazing flat in the centre of town and the fact that he knows everybody
Wherever we go
I'm falling in love with him
There is nothing i can or want to do about it
пятница, 08 мая 2015
The trouble is, on some level I still want James
But why? I don't understand
Last time we were together
He came over to visit Finn
With another friend
Went upstairs, disappeared
In my bedroom
And never came back down
I felt like a whore the following morning
When I woke up with him in my bed
I couldn't look at Finn
But then Finn doesn't judge
We ended talking it through and
Laughing about it
Sex was awful
It's always been great with him in the past
Because I put a lot of emotion into it
But that last time it was terrible
And yet I would probably do it again
Somehow I'm seeing Adam though
We started dating just before I ended up in the hospital
But the broken ankle and the fact that I can't walk didn't
Put him off at all
He comes to visit every few days
And he is just lovely
Yet, I'd still fuck James
But why? I don't understand
Last time we were together
He came over to visit Finn
With another friend
Went upstairs, disappeared
In my bedroom
And never came back down
I felt like a whore the following morning
When I woke up with him in my bed
I couldn't look at Finn
But then Finn doesn't judge
We ended talking it through and
Laughing about it
Sex was awful
It's always been great with him in the past
Because I put a lot of emotion into it
But that last time it was terrible
And yet I would probably do it again
Somehow I'm seeing Adam though
We started dating just before I ended up in the hospital
But the broken ankle and the fact that I can't walk didn't
Put him off at all
He comes to visit every few days
And he is just lovely
Yet, I'd still fuck James
I don't normally make political statements
But what the actual fuck Britain?
The fact the I spent the last few weeks in and out of the hospital
Made me really appreciate nhs
Free and decent health care we have in place
In the next 5 years there will be no nhs left
You want to have another 5 years of poverty
And privatisation?
Be my guest
Learn the hard way
Wtf is wrong with you?
But what the actual fuck Britain?
The fact the I spent the last few weeks in and out of the hospital
Made me really appreciate nhs
Free and decent health care we have in place
In the next 5 years there will be no nhs left
You want to have another 5 years of poverty
And privatisation?
Be my guest
Learn the hard way
Wtf is wrong with you?
четверг, 12 марта 2015
Ha, this bit of drama totally cured me of James,
plus we ended our open relationship with Tom
I am now totally free and single
and cured of James
I don't need that dick in my life
Happy times =)
plus we ended our open relationship with Tom
I am now totally free and single
and cured of James
I don't need that dick in my life
Happy times =)
среда, 17 декабря 2014
I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful -
These are truly the last days"
You grabbed my hand
And we fell into it
Like a daydream
Or a fever
These are truly the last days"
You grabbed my hand
And we fell into it
Like a daydream
Or a fever
вторник, 04 ноября 2014
Trotsky absolutely adores Tom
Tom has been around since the very day I brought this little face home
And Tom has shoe laces!
They go through the same ritual every morning
when Tom puts his shoes on
Shoe laces are Trotsky's favourite thing in this whole damn world
Trotsky's little face at 7 weeks old
when we called him NoName
And Tom's sunny face with one of the stickers from Murakami's new book
on his forehead hehe
Tom has been around since the very day I brought this little face home
And Tom has shoe laces!
They go through the same ritual every morning
when Tom puts his shoes on
Shoe laces are Trotsky's favourite thing in this whole damn world
Trotsky's little face at 7 weeks old
when we called him NoName
And Tom's sunny face with one of the stickers from Murakami's new book
on his forehead hehe
what a babe
he's grown so much
His baby sister Luna is staying with us for a week
while guys are at a music festival in Iceland
they are completely absorbed in each other
And sitting on my shoulder seem to be a family thing!
she's adorable
he's grown so much
His baby sister Luna is staying with us for a week
while guys are at a music festival in Iceland
they are completely absorbed in each other
And sitting on my shoulder seem to be a family thing!
she's adorable
понедельник, 03 ноября 2014
And I'm back to just Tom
My dear Tom, and nobody else
James is dating a fucking stripper
James is hard work
I haven't seen him for about a months now
the last time I've seen him was at Finn's birthday dinner party at smokehouse
to which me and Al turned up a little late
and I warned Finn in advanced that I did not want to sit anywhere near James
but we turned up and there was a seat at the edge of the table left
right opposite James for me
Finn denies having anything to do with it,
but I know it was him
I made a scene
Well not exactly a scene, but I acted like a child
I pulled Alison's sleeve and demanded that I sit next to her!
And I made everybody shift a seat so that I sat right at the opposite end as far away from him as possible
and I have not said a word to him that night
The next day he went to Bruges
on his motorbike
and a week later when he came back I got a text message saying
"You don't want to be my friend no more?"
We were never friends!
but I played it well
I said of course I do
etc
at some stage my brain went into a defense mechanism
and turned off any feelings for him
or I would have suffered
don't get me wrong
it did hurt a little
but as long as i know he's not an option i can deal with it
I could have fallen in love with him
but I don't give a shit anymore
well, I'm still not completely over him
but I crossed him out
it's been over 6 months with me and Tom
I do have feelings for him, but it's not love
we are best friends
we go out, we have fun
both in and out of bed
he is the most adorable and the most affectionate guy I ever met
he's just not the one
but I'm happy, and relaxed when I'm with him
It's a rare thing when people make you feel totally relaxed
you should hold on to them
it's a silly thing, but I sleep so much better when he's in bed with me
we have sex, we cuddle, i close my eyes
and fall asleep, just like that
i don't think i've ever been this relaxed in my life with another human being
not even with h. not for 5 years we spent together
He's in Iceland for a week right now
And I miss him, I really do
and I care deeply for him
I was ridiculously upset when things didn't work out with the girl
he went on a few dates with and really liked
I kept thinking that I should be happy, it means that we are still together
he's mine, he's not going anywhere
but I was upset, because I care
and I guess because James is still fresh in my mind
so i know how it feels
he's my darling =)
My dear Tom, and nobody else
James is dating a fucking stripper
James is hard work
I haven't seen him for about a months now
the last time I've seen him was at Finn's birthday dinner party at smokehouse
to which me and Al turned up a little late
and I warned Finn in advanced that I did not want to sit anywhere near James
but we turned up and there was a seat at the edge of the table left
right opposite James for me
Finn denies having anything to do with it,
but I know it was him
I made a scene
Well not exactly a scene, but I acted like a child
I pulled Alison's sleeve and demanded that I sit next to her!
And I made everybody shift a seat so that I sat right at the opposite end as far away from him as possible
and I have not said a word to him that night
The next day he went to Bruges
on his motorbike
and a week later when he came back I got a text message saying
"You don't want to be my friend no more?"
We were never friends!
but I played it well
I said of course I do
etc
at some stage my brain went into a defense mechanism
and turned off any feelings for him
or I would have suffered
don't get me wrong
it did hurt a little
but as long as i know he's not an option i can deal with it
I could have fallen in love with him
but I don't give a shit anymore
well, I'm still not completely over him
but I crossed him out
it's been over 6 months with me and Tom
I do have feelings for him, but it's not love
we are best friends
we go out, we have fun
both in and out of bed
he is the most adorable and the most affectionate guy I ever met
he's just not the one
but I'm happy, and relaxed when I'm with him
It's a rare thing when people make you feel totally relaxed
you should hold on to them
it's a silly thing, but I sleep so much better when he's in bed with me
we have sex, we cuddle, i close my eyes
and fall asleep, just like that
i don't think i've ever been this relaxed in my life with another human being
not even with h. not for 5 years we spent together
He's in Iceland for a week right now
And I miss him, I really do
and I care deeply for him
I was ridiculously upset when things didn't work out with the girl
he went on a few dates with and really liked
I kept thinking that I should be happy, it means that we are still together
he's mine, he's not going anywhere
but I was upset, because I care
and I guess because James is still fresh in my mind
so i know how it feels
he's my darling =)
четверг, 18 сентября 2014
oh, I don't know what to do
I'm going to struggle so much
if this goes anywhere
he's too cool he doesn't care
about anything
i'll have to chase him if i want him
because if I stopped he'd just
think: "oh well" and carry on
he won't make an effort
there is an old piano in his bedroom and
a motorbike that needs repairing
he speaks with a sexy slightly american accent
has this incredible beard
and he's so good in bed
last night he walked me home
from chapter we stopped
and i said
"do you want to stay?"
he answered "sure"
this morning i said
"can i see you again?"
he answered
"sure"
whenever i ask if he wanted to meet up
he says "sure"
how fucking enthusiastic!
yet early this morning
when I was talking rubbish
half asleep
then realised and said
"sorry, i should just stop talking"
he answered
"as long as you cuddle me, you can carry on talking"
and i left kieron, for this man, who can't be mine
I'm going to struggle so much
if this goes anywhere
he's too cool he doesn't care
about anything
i'll have to chase him if i want him
because if I stopped he'd just
think: "oh well" and carry on
he won't make an effort
there is an old piano in his bedroom and
a motorbike that needs repairing
he speaks with a sexy slightly american accent
has this incredible beard
and he's so good in bed
last night he walked me home
from chapter we stopped
and i said
"do you want to stay?"
he answered "sure"
this morning i said
"can i see you again?"
he answered
"sure"
whenever i ask if he wanted to meet up
he says "sure"
how fucking enthusiastic!
yet early this morning
when I was talking rubbish
half asleep
then realised and said
"sorry, i should just stop talking"
he answered
"as long as you cuddle me, you can carry on talking"
and i left kieron, for this man, who can't be mine
пятница, 12 сентября 2014
I think I'm actually in love
I am so ridiculously excited about him
I have to end it with Kieron
I'll keep Tom for now
But if it works out
Tom we'll have to go too
We went to bed together last night
I sort of insisted
It was good, too good
I know he's too cool for me
with his beard, his motorbikes
And his 100k a year salary
But i cannot think of anything but him
I am so ridiculously excited about him
I have to end it with Kieron
I'll keep Tom for now
But if it works out
Tom we'll have to go too
We went to bed together last night
I sort of insisted
It was good, too good
I know he's too cool for me
with his beard, his motorbikes
And his 100k a year salary
But i cannot think of anything but him
четверг, 11 сентября 2014
The question of the day is, will i or will i not
Let james take me home with him tonight
I'm so tempted to just get in a car/on a motorbike
When he comes to pick me up this evening
With a bottle of whiskey and say
"Hey, shall we go and watch a film at yours?
You can possibly see me undressed afterwards too"
It seems rather appropriate after the late night conversation
We were having last night
James is the coolest guy I have ever met
He's also a friend of my housemate
He's also the third man in my present life
And out of them all, he is the one i want
Let james take me home with him tonight
I'm so tempted to just get in a car/on a motorbike
When he comes to pick me up this evening
With a bottle of whiskey and say
"Hey, shall we go and watch a film at yours?
You can possibly see me undressed afterwards too"
It seems rather appropriate after the late night conversation
We were having last night
James is the coolest guy I have ever met
He's also a friend of my housemate
He's also the third man in my present life
And out of them all, he is the one i want
понедельник, 08 сентября 2014
a little update on my not so little four months old Trotsky
вторник, 02 сентября 2014
Well i guess i have to say something about this nato bullshit
Since i'm right in the middle of it all
I feel like i'm living in a war zone
Have been for weeks
They built fucking barricades all over town
Walls in the middle of roads and shit
All over
This small sleepy town..
And there have been more havily armed policemen then people on the streets for days
And days, on a plus side heavily armed policemen are totally cool
And totally down to earth and totally human
They say "bollocks to nato" when you meet them in a heavily barricaded war zone (public!) park
Want to see some ridiculous photographs of what cardiff looks like right now?
www.walesonline.co.uk/whats-on/whats-on-news/na...
Since i'm right in the middle of it all
I feel like i'm living in a war zone
Have been for weeks
They built fucking barricades all over town
Walls in the middle of roads and shit
All over
This small sleepy town..
And there have been more havily armed policemen then people on the streets for days
And days, on a plus side heavily armed policemen are totally cool
And totally down to earth and totally human
They say "bollocks to nato" when you meet them in a heavily barricaded war zone (public!) park
Want to see some ridiculous photographs of what cardiff looks like right now?
www.walesonline.co.uk/whats-on/whats-on-news/na...
суббота, 30 августа 2014
I'm going to see Polar Bear in September
So excited, don't know who with yet, though
So excited, don't know who with yet, though
So I'm seeing somebody else
Tom knows about it of course
That's what open relationship is about
I wouldn't hide anything from Tom
Kieron of course, doesn't know anything about Tom
but it's not a relationship yet, and I'm so getting away with this
for as long as I can
I am excited about Kie,
In a way I was never excited about Tom
We were in the pub the other day, having a drink
he touched my hand
and my heart skipped a beat
how long has it been since i felt that way about somebody?
years.. I felt like that about h. in the beginning
but never since
I am so on board haha,
there was one day when i had two men in my bed
I'm not the type to cheat
but I'm not cheating on Tom because this is a decision we both made
we discussed it in length and he knows about Kie too
and it's been too early to consider this a relationship or go exclusive with Kieron
and I am very attached to Tom in my own way
we'll stay friends no matter what
but I am not letting him go unless I really have no choice =)
Tom knows about it of course
That's what open relationship is about
I wouldn't hide anything from Tom
Kieron of course, doesn't know anything about Tom
but it's not a relationship yet, and I'm so getting away with this
for as long as I can
I am excited about Kie,
In a way I was never excited about Tom
We were in the pub the other day, having a drink
he touched my hand
and my heart skipped a beat
how long has it been since i felt that way about somebody?
years.. I felt like that about h. in the beginning
but never since
I am so on board haha,
there was one day when i had two men in my bed
I'm not the type to cheat
but I'm not cheating on Tom because this is a decision we both made
we discussed it in length and he knows about Kie too
and it's been too early to consider this a relationship or go exclusive with Kieron
and I am very attached to Tom in my own way
we'll stay friends no matter what
but I am not letting him go unless I really have no choice =)
четверг, 21 августа 2014
He is so ridiculously affectionate,
I just forget sometimes that he's not in love with me
I forget, I'm not in love with him either
It's weird, but since we made a decision
to have a sexual relationship
we do more things together
and act more like a couple
than we have done until now
I wish he could have been the one
I feel so relaxed and happy when I'm with him
I know the score
I can't let myself get attached
And I've got so many dates lined up
already, though if I'm honest
I don't really want to date anybody else =)
I just forget sometimes that he's not in love with me
I forget, I'm not in love with him either
It's weird, but since we made a decision
to have a sexual relationship
we do more things together
and act more like a couple
than we have done until now
I wish he could have been the one
I feel so relaxed and happy when I'm with him
I know the score
I can't let myself get attached
And I've got so many dates lined up
already, though if I'm honest
I don't really want to date anybody else =)
воскресенье, 17 августа 2014
well, here we go again.
i was a mess for a couple of days
then i was totally fine without him
then exactly a week after he left me
he dropped me a text and asked me how
me and Trotsky were doing
and if I wanted to get a catch up drink
so we arranged to meet last night
ended up in my bed and decided to have an open relationship
=)
I'm totally cool with this
I'm not in love with him
I don't really know if I want a proper relationship right now
but he is hot, sex with him is amazing, his fun to be around
and great company
so I'm glad to have him back in my life
it went like this, he said "I was thinking, we should stop dating"
and I said "Okay"
which he totally didn't expect
then we had sex. twice.
he left
and he just told me this morning
when he left that night
he was thinking "what have I done? I've made a terrible mistake"
got to text tim and tell him about this
tim is like my best buddy now :p
i was a mess for a couple of days
then i was totally fine without him
then exactly a week after he left me
he dropped me a text and asked me how
me and Trotsky were doing
and if I wanted to get a catch up drink
so we arranged to meet last night
ended up in my bed and decided to have an open relationship
=)
I'm totally cool with this
I'm not in love with him
I don't really know if I want a proper relationship right now
but he is hot, sex with him is amazing, his fun to be around
and great company
so I'm glad to have him back in my life
it went like this, he said "I was thinking, we should stop dating"
and I said "Okay"
which he totally didn't expect
then we had sex. twice.
he left
and he just told me this morning
when he left that night
he was thinking "what have I done? I've made a terrible mistake"
got to text tim and tell him about this
tim is like my best buddy now :p
среда, 06 августа 2014
I'm hurt
I'm alone
All I want is him
It'll pass
Tim was right all along
It's just oxytocin
But I'm struggling so much
And I miss not being able to text him
Whenever I feel like it
And tell him about silly things
And complain about cats
I got attached a bit too attached
And this bed smells of him
And i just can't bring myself to change bedsheets
There is still that key he left last night
Hidden at the back of the drawer
And I'm in work again at 7 tomorrow
And I just can't sleep
I'm alone
All I want is him
It'll pass
Tim was right all along
It's just oxytocin
But I'm struggling so much
And I miss not being able to text him
Whenever I feel like it
And tell him about silly things
And complain about cats
I got attached a bit too attached
And this bed smells of him
And i just can't bring myself to change bedsheets
There is still that key he left last night
Hidden at the back of the drawer
And I'm in work again at 7 tomorrow
And I just can't sleep
вторник, 05 августа 2014
Ended it last night. I was so totally cool about the whole thing. I still can't quite believe it myself. Didn't get upset in front of him, didn't cry even though I felt like crying a couple of times. Only cried a bit after he left. We ended it, then had sex. Twice. It was passionate, a little rough and hell so good, that at the end of it, I had to bite my tongue and hold myself from asking him if he would consider beeing in an open relationship, friends with benefits, the sort. Then we cuddled naked on the bed and chatted, until after midnight when he left. I don't think he really wanted to leave, but I had to be in work by 7am.. I took the key back, but couldn't look at that red ring on it this morning, so i hid it at the bottom of the drawer with bed sheets and towels in it.
It was the most civilised break up, I ever had. I don't know why I'm finding it so tough today. I always knew it wasn't going to last, I was never really in love and obviously we'll try to be friends, I also wouldn't be surprised if we ended up in bed with each other again, but it's still painful.
...
Don't let it get you down, we can all be dead tomorrow
It was the most civilised break up, I ever had. I don't know why I'm finding it so tough today. I always knew it wasn't going to last, I was never really in love and obviously we'll try to be friends, I also wouldn't be surprised if we ended up in bed with each other again, but it's still painful.
...
Don't let it get you down, we can all be dead tomorrow
понедельник, 21 июля 2014
Those of you who I don't have on facebook
Meet my new little bengal boy
He's now 8 weeks old
And he's been living with us for over a week
It was tough choosing a name for this one
For about a week we called him NoName
But we are fairly set on Trotsky now
I'll give it a day trial
And see how it goes
Comrade Trotsky =)
Meet my new little bengal boy
He's now 8 weeks old
And he's been living with us for over a week
It was tough choosing a name for this one
For about a week we called him NoName
But we are fairly set on Trotsky now
I'll give it a day trial
And see how it goes
Comrade Trotsky =)
